I am mad at my friend.  They really upset me, and I am going to take action.  I am mixing up a lot of different poisons and when I am done the concoction will all taste like grape juice.  But I will show them.  They will finally know how much they upset me because I am going to make sure they know I drank all the poison and they will really suffer as the poison really tears them up.  Doesn’t make sense…right?  But that is how unforgiveness works.  It does not affect the other person, it affects you.  You mix the poison, you drink the poison, and hope the other person is affected.  That is unforgiveness.

Unforgiveness tends to burn a hole in your own soul.  Chances are that the person you are mad at does not know what they did to upset you.  And if they do, they may not know to the extent it affected you.  That is why forgiveness is especially important.

Forgiveness is a sign of strength and not a sign of weakness.  It shows that you can overcome the hurt you have and can release the other person from the debt you feel you are owed.  Even while on the cross Jesus asked God to forgive the people who had placed them there as written in Luke 23:34 “Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”  Jesus was showing love for His creation by asking God to forgive those who sinned against him.  Jesus did this while He was being crucified after being tortured all night and day before carrying His cross to the mountain of Golgotha and after being nailed to a cross. 

In showing love forgiveness also allows you to show mercy and to release others from the debt that you feel is owed.  Forgiveness cancels out that debt.  In the Beatitudes, Jesus even goes a step further about forgiveness and how to deal with those who hurt you.  Matthew 5:43- 46 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’  But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.  For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?”  At the time of Jesus, the Tax Collectors were considered the outcast of society since many were corrupt and often charged more than was to be collected.  They would line their pockets by overcharging on taxes.  To compare a person to a Tax Collector was the same as comparing someone who is considered the lowest of the lows in ethics. 

By loving your enemy it shows strength, that you can overcome even the hurt to give them an out.  I know it is difficult because I have been there.  Imagine having a neighbor who insults you every day and every moment they see you, to the point that they chase you down with their car.  I wish I were embellishing, but I am not.  A neighbor who is a Christian told me the best words that I hear to this day – almost 10 years later “You need to pray for your enemies!”  I prayed every night and gave it to God.  I still pray that one day that person will know Jesus.  It was difficult at the time, but the statement still rings true.  And the best example still goes back to Jesus praying for His persecutors while He was hanging from a cross.

Proverbs 20: 21 – 22 says: “If our enemy is hungry, give him food to eat;
And if he is thirsty, give him water to drink;
For you will heap burning coals on his head,
And the Lord will reward you.”

Please do not mistake it for a monetary reward.  Know that you will be blessed by God for forgiving others. 

The most important reason to forgive others is summed up in Mark 6: 14- 15 “For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.”  We need to forgive for our own sins to be forgiven.  Jesus went as far as to tell Peter that we need to continuously forgive.  The conversation is documented in the following manner in Matthew 18:21-22: “Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”  Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.”  This does not mean to forgive 490 times or have a countdown, it means to forgive as often as they ask. 

A Pastor I respect told me once that forgiveness is a continuing process.  We need to forgive because Jesus forgave us when we asked for His forgiveness.  Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength.  It does not say you have power over me, it says you do not have power over me because My God is greater. 

Forgiveness should also not be confused with allowing someone to walk all over you or take advantage of you.  If a person continuously sins against you, let us take the example of abuse, it means that you forgive that person and release them from the debt.  It also means that they have no power over you.  At the same time, you can build a healthy boundary that they will not abuse you ever again as well, especially when it is continuous abuse – whether physical, mental, emotional, or sexual abuse.  It also means that they have destroyed the trust and are not allowed to abuse you again or hurt you again.  You can build a Healthy Boundary to not allow the action to occur.  But if you forgive them and release them from the debt, then you can begin the healing process. 

I will leave you with these final words from Jesus in Mark 11: 25 – 26 “Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions.  But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions.”  Forgive those who have hurt you, release them from the debt, and watch as your healing begins.  Believe me, when I say it will be a better world for you and your heart will be lighter. 

• To God be the Glory